Finding a Suitor 🙈

Blimey when i say ‘suitor’ i imagine im in the wrong century. But lets keep it real. Im 34 looking to get married so that i can begin a family. Clearly something went wrong along the way. Im not usually one to ponder on the past but its sometimes useful in Order to put a stop to repetition. Anyways there are many factors for why ive been single for 3years and find zero men attractive. I mean the match was on earlier today, (bravo Real Madrid last min goal) my friend points out Ronaldo and i immediately think to myself not attractive at all. Perhaps he has charisma and oozes sex appeal but looks wise hes put together well but thats it.

So you see my situation i find it impossible to find anyone attractive. But im still pro-active and heres what i did:

10 days in London 12 dates 🙈😏🙄

It was lovely and a Disaster. All successful Gentlemen except 1 based in and around London. All introduced via friends and family and work colleagues.

Date 1: This one i had been communicating with for 2months so i was super excited tonfinally meet him. Ended up being the biggest failure of dates. He was insecure and snappy. He ordered 3 cold tapas dishes and complained about money issues so i felt bad ordering another dish so remained hungry. He told me hes never met anyone like me who lives the way, private jets yachts work when i feel i want to, i cant possibly wear so much makeup he barked and basically who do i think i am being so happy. Thank fully im very mature lol and snapped right back with darling you might wish i was insecure enough to break down with your wish washy comments but i genuinely feel sorry for you. These things dont determine me. Its relationships and friendships that get me going because its all that warms the soul. Many insecure men (& women for that matter) will attempt to belittle you to make themselves feel better. Ive seen it time and time again. When i was younger i would just sit through it and feel bad later. I said to this chap think before you speak in future because you may damage the confidence of a young lady if shes fragile in some way. Have some shame and be a Gentleman in future. If i overwhelm you or im not what you expected thats no problem one simply states as such and 2 mature adults walk away. Job done! Anyways he apologised profusely for the rest of the date and i simply never replied to his second date offer. May i add this guy looked nothing like his picture, i believe my shoulders were broader than his and he wore hipster style trousers perhaps from the 80s. But i kept this to myself as i didnt want to dash the little confidence he has. Self-marketing much lol

Date 2: no comment

Date 3: Happy Handsome well Dressed well mannered but unavailable due to work committments. Sometimes we have to make a call do we waste our time or not. I wasnt sure so…

Date 4: …same guy second date. We walked for 2 hours through Hyde Park had tea at the lovely Italian Cafe. He was attentive had a very similar childhood to me and i could talk about life without explaining in detail because he just got it. Not crazily attracted to him but i could see him growing on me. After the date he said he would like to meet again before i leave London. I thought why not but still had many dates to go. Sadly we didnt meet again and he was so occupied with his new company it didnt feel worth pursuing. I left it at if im still single next time i visit London lets meet up. He agreed 🙂 Good call!

Date 5: A Uni friend’s childhood friend. Turns out he knew all of my friends at uni calling us the popular group. Tells me how he blossomed after uni and never really had friends before then. Sadly his sad stories drained me. Handsome and humourous guy but just didnt feel right for me. He’ll make one girl a happy lady.

Date 6: Handsome Funny and Goofy but much too immature to have a family with. He needs at least 10years to be on my wavelength. Setting him up with my younger sisters friend 👍😊

Date 7: Very Camp and Feminine. Humourous Tall Scottish Lad had a a blast but zero attraction

Date 8: No Upper Lip. Superficial i know but what do i kiss!!? Can one kiss teeth 👹

Date 9: Drank alot and sang old folk songs claiming a label wanted to sign him but he was too busy for the fame 🤔

Date 10: A cool surgeon who was smooth charming well traveled well mannered and very well dressed. But he was 4 inches shorter than me. Thank the Lord i wore flats on this date. We remained friends and now im setting his sister up with a friend of mine 👏

Date 11: Afternoon Tea at Claridges. More my kind of date. The guy was a little older and raved on about his travels and life experiences throughout the date. He said hes been told he doesnt sell himself enough. I wanted to tell him he might want to work on self grooming. Trim his beard pluck his nose hair get a mani pedi and pls dont spit whilst speaking. Say it dont Spray it! Anyways who am i to change anyone. Someone will love him exactly the way he is. Thats just how the Universe works right.

Date 12: Panic sets in since this is my last potential suitor for dating and hopefully marriage. Great conversation m, a tiny little chemistry but proposes mid-mains. Im not so sure how these things work but this felt too soon. We remained friends and that was that.

My time in London was coming to an end. It dawned on me i may never find anyone attractive again lol. Maybe im that new breed of A-sexual!?? This is a real sexuality type btw. Some people are just never attracted to anyone throughout their lives. I find that super upsetting. Whats life without Romance Love Desire Heartache Jealousy and sheer yearning for a Partner. Love it All!

So i do what any sane women hitting her peak does…Call the EX. Were now 2months in working on old issues rekindling our old flame. Hes already proposed but ive told him i need time to think about it. I might get to have it all in the End. Lets see ❤️❤️😂❤️❤️❤️❤️💪

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Anxiety Attack Cure

Q: What Prevents an Anxiety/Panic attack?

A: BREATH-WORK THERAPY (Dynamic Therapeutic Breathing)

Found a great tutorial link but she does it standing i prefer lying down:

So i had my first anxiety/Panic attack around 6 months ago and then another a month ago. I was given 2mg Diazepam the first attack and i self medicated 30mins before the second attack and it didnt help. But the doctor then wouldnt give me anything during the second attack as she said i had taken enough. Ridiculous since in my mind i was about to die. Anyone who suffers anxiety/panic attacks will understand how docs look at you like is nothing waiting for us to come out to the other side. My last panic attack lasted over an hour, it was terrifying.

I am a firm believer in self-healing since i was able to overcome depression many years ago through various old healing techniques. So i get to work reading all i could. What are the causes, cures, types etc. I felt lost. Then i came across a random advert for a BREATH-WORK THERAPY class specifically for anxiety. I thought hey why not. GOD-SEND.

Now the trick is learn to understand what triggers your attacks; stressful environment, ALCOHOL (number 1 cause as the come down in a hangover is so severe for your brain’s chemicals and physical body-salt/sugar/pressure), a specific event, a person that hurts you mentally or physically or a combination of all of these etc etc. Once identified remove yourself from this scene or if its not possible reduce your exposure to it.

Most sufferers know 30mins before an attack it coming on. Some Symptoms for me include Slight nervousness, worry, adrenaline for no reason, dark thoughts, quickened breathing, some panic. Now before i get into a state i find a quiet place lay down and begin the exercise the Nreathwork therapist showed me. I couldnt lay once as i was on the way to the airport so i pit my head back in the car and did it. Worked fine. The earlier you do it the better. Ive done this 4 times now and prevented a panic attack without needing medication. My thoughts return to normal my physical body returns to stable, but most important after a session i feel ready to immediately get back to life. I simply continue the session for as long as i need to. The first time you do it i suggest you try to find a therapist/practitioner to teach you as she/he will have the ideal setting music words and technique for you to understand how to do it well. After that you can vary it all according to your situation at hand.

I will now describe my first and only session at Miracles Wellness Centre in Tecom Dubai. My therapist was Ms Afshan. So i had my second panic attack the day before this session so i was still a little unsettled, i actually thought this breathing exercise may send me into another attack but she said she had a lady who suffered from anxiety attacks regularly for many years after 1 session with her she has never had an attack since. I instantly praised God for finding me this place.

BREATH-WORK THERAPY TECHNIQUE:

I Lay on a soft mat on the floor with a low pillow and soft blanket over my lower body for comfort. Arms out beside me hands relaxed and palms facing up, she said open palms are for receiving wellness. Not sure about that but i guess it cant harm right. Now take 3 deep long breaths and simply concentrate on your breathing. Next take fast breaths as fast and continuously as you possibly can for the next 30-40mins or more if you can manage it. Only thing to remember if you inhale from your nose you must exhale from yor nose. If this gets tiring switch to inhale from your mouth and exhale from your mouth. Remember to breathe from your chest. Naturally your stomach may move but try to go back to chest breathing. You will slow down because its hard to keep the pace up but once you remember get back into it. Woth the therapist she reminds ou of your speed by breathing aloud but when alone just try to remind yourself to pick up the pace to the FASTEST you can inhale and exhale. As a note i inhale and exhale from my nose 15 breathes per 5second. I timed it to help describe how fast you have to go to really benefit. I feel the longer i can do the exercise the better i feel after but im usually so exhausted from it i fall asleep accidentally. Some affects during the exercise might be tingling in your hands, numb ankles/feet, Dry mouth, chest soreness, just simply breathe through it all and break through your conditions. Even if youre well and fit you will benefit with PURE relaxation after this. Good for insomnia too as you will just be exhausted after.

Ps-Anyone suffering from any other heart conditions, fits, severe asthma etc may want to consult their doc or find a real therapist as im just a normal person with no training in this field just an experience that has changed my life for the better than i wanted to share with others.

Private Jets and Energy

Having traveled to to the Middle East for the past 4years i’ve comye to the clear understanding there is a hidden currency in play here. By process of elimination: the standard Cash: i dont have much, sexual favors: i refuse to give any, a talent: 🙄 but energy. Yes indeed Energy: this i have bucket loads.

You recall in the movie Limitless, before he knows it hes on private jets flying to foreign lands engaging with interesting people ‘living it up’ as one would say. This is how it happens. Three requirements; a good command of English, look presentable and an unlimited supply of ENERGY.

I’m off on yet another Private jet adventure to Europe. Who knows the destination and quite frankly who cares. As long as the host checks out on my safety checklist im a happy traveller. An all expenses paid 5* trip, duration tbc and wonderous cuisines to be sampled.

Its in these moments when i wonder if perhaps i am the exception to the rule. And perhaps throughout a lifetime we bounce between rule and exception. Life is seldom constant. Its time to board that rollercoaster and wave my hands around like i ‘really just dont care’

Sure i wont find my loving life partner on trips like these but hey i’ll snap alot of memories 👍😊

2 years later

So, ive traveled far and wide visitied many new cities met many new friends and absorbed many new cultures. its been a ball and knowing myself and my need to live life to the fullest it will continue to be a ball. But what about the all important lover in my life…well…same as always..non existent. I am the rule Not the Exception.

Being the ultimate Optimist i somehow get lost in the stories of the many exceptions roaming the Earth. If i hear about one more nobody who is now somebody whose found ever-lasting love, social media personalities, reality tv shows, WAGS, drags, fashionistas, beauty gurus etc etc i will quite honestly throw up. Please dont assume im not thoroughly happy for them because i truly am.

I had a thought today about a guy i met perhaps a few years ago. It was the usual brief chat over the phone after being Set up by mutual friends. A few pleasant conversations and i deemed him normal enough to meet. Dear me the guy dragged me through the mud over dinner. Telling me my education was not thorough enough and my career was haphazard. I mean wow this guy was angry. I didnt say anything at the time as i was not equipt with the life skills or the confidence. I would now like to say ‘Dear Guy, you are a turd and stepping on people is not brave or worthy of any good thoughts. I shall remember you poorly of as an ill-mannered horrid fool’. If i ever come across such a human again i shall indeed explain be kind be gentle and have some manners.

Meanwhile i continue to look for my soulmate and love

Welcome

More recently than ever I feel like a defeatist. My blog is a means of sharing my disappointment with fellow disappointees. Individuals who have or had it all going on but Life’s journey has taken a less Glamorous path. In short how it feels to be the Rule and not the sought after Exception. Ok let’s get the formalities out the way, I am a single 31 year old Brit living in the North of England where I grew up went to school then left at 15 for a boarding school education, returning for college leaving again for University, returning for my graduate job leaving again to travel and returning again between long spells of travel.

Woke up this morning a little on the down side. Considering in my compartment of thoughts how did I become Bridget Jones? No boyfriend-most friends I have seem to be settled with bfs/gfs or married, No plans to visit the Hamptons-some of my gfs married wealthy Gents & have these sorts of trips on the casual nowadays And sadly No Afternoon teas with interesting friends – they all moved away from my droopy Northern city in hopes for ‘more’. So it is I thought …I am the Rule Not the Exception!